Christmas is next week and the end of the year is fast approaching. I’m excited to hang out with my family and friends, but a little stressed with the holiday shopping and work. I assume most of you are busy shopping, working, or going out of town. I didn’t want to post any short stories until next year, so this is my last post for the year 2017.

In last week’s post I discussed what I plan to work on next year. Today, I want to reflect on the past year and how it’s shaped me. This year I faced a few difficult challenges: the loss of my home, unemployment and underemployment, and the loss of a beloved pet. Sometimes it felt like I was being ripped apart just so I could be transformed into someone new.

Through everything I faced, I remained close to God. I was angry with Him and I even blamed Him for the troubles I faced. I was deeply discouraged and depressed. I felt like I was fumbling around in a dark cell loaded with booby traps, in search of a light switch. I desperately wanted all the frustration and disappointment to be over.

Even though there were times I felt alone and misunderstood, I knew what I was facing was temporary. I knew I’d grow stronger the more I endured. I knew it was for my own good.

You see, I’ve been praying for God to reveal my purpose and mold me into who He needs me to be in order to fulfill that purpose. I asked Him to do whatever He needed to do to get it done – and He’s doing it.

For awhile it felt like God was tearing the old me to shreds, transforming me into someone new – wiser, stronger, and more mature. He removed toxic people and filled the empty spaces with Himself and those who love Him. He took away any excuse I gave for not following the path I needed to be on. He filled me with an indescribable peace that can only come from Him. I was never without encouragers or supporters.

Everything I went through should’ve caused me to turn my back on God. Instead I clung to Him while He pried my fingers away from life. You can’t tell God you trust Him with your life if you’re not ready to let it go.

I couldn’t control anyone or anything, but for some reason, I thought things would be easier if I could have some sense of control in my life. Well, my life isn’t mine – it’s His. And I prayed that He would use it for His perfect will and purpose. God wanted what was His and I needed to let it go and trust Him.

I like to know what’s going to happen. I always ask Him to show me what will happen before I actually do anything. That’s not how trust works. I learned that the hard way. He wanted me to not only say I had faith in Him, but ACT like I had it.

I finally stopped warring with Him because there was nothing I could do to change my circumstances. I didn’t have the financial means to do anything. I was completely dependent on Him. When I realized what He was doing and how I fought Him like a rebellious teenager, I gave into Him. He wants what’s best for me. His thoughts toward me are of good, not evil. He was pruning me – removing attitudes, people, and behaviors that didn’t bear any fruit.

God had provided for me every step of the way. I’ve been on this wild, tumultuous journey for almost two years. I’ve always had a place to live, food to eat, and clothes on my back. I’ve always been safe and healthy. He always gave me exactly what I needed when I needed it.

During these past two years, I met my mentor and friend. We have a mutual friend who is an awesome encourager. They’ve inspired me to make my dream a reality and they hold me accountable. My family and friends have been extremely supportive of me through a season I’m sure they didn’t enjoy witnessing. My faith has grown as well as my trust. I’m excited for what God has instore for me. I’m ready to go wherever He needs me to be so I can be who He called me to be.

I have ideas of what I want a to do in the future. I’m no longer afraid because I have nothing to fear. I’ve seen what God is capable of when I’ve hit rock bottom. He has held me up and protected me in spite of everything I faced. He knew how I’d react to what I was dealing with, yet He blessed me anyway. He sent encouragement when I needed it. He gave me confidence when whispers of doubt started to creep in my mind.

I’m on my way out of the valley and I can breathe. Transformation isn’t easy, but it’s worth it when you look back and see where you came from. If I stayed at my old full time job, I wouldn’t be writing and I’d still be miserable. My confidence wouldn’t have improved. If I hadn’t lost my home, I wouldn’t be free to go wherever I need to go when the time’s right.

If things hadn’t happened the way they did, then I wouldn’t have this blog, my short stories, and my upcoming book. I wouldn’t have a testimony to share. I wouldn’t have relinquished control. I’d be so unfulfilled and guess who I would blame? God.

Two thousand seventeen has been a year of faith, believing what I can’t see. It’s been a year of trust where I can stop fighting a losing a battle and let God be God. It’s been a year where I’ve had to work hard to choose joy. Lastly, it’s been a year of hope. I haven’t had that in so long, I forgot what it felt like.

Some of you may not share my faith, and that’s okay. However, I can’t end this year without acknowledging who got me through it and who will get me through the next one. Max Sloane wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for Him. Every good thing I accomplish will be because of Him and it will be for Him. I don’t exactly know what He’s up to, but I know He’s preparing me fro something great.

What about you? How has this past year treated you? What have you learned?